Memories from my magical time in France

This is such an exciting time to be alive!

Nothing feels the same anymore, and for me life is suddenly starting to make sense.

A lifetime of trying to find my way in a world of structures I could never understand, or find my place in, feels like it’s finally evolving into something I came here for!

This is a time of immense shifts. I notice around me how more and more people are awakening to something they don’t yet know how to define - but they feel it, in a multitude of ways; the world is splitting open and truth is pouring out. The old ways don’t work anymore, it’s time for something new.

I’ve been looking back over pictures from my time in France. This land holds the most special place in my heart. It is so full of magic and ancient wisdom.

I filled this time with so many experiences. I pushed myself so far beyond my comfort zone again and again. I met my deepest fears and some deeper shadows. I also experienced freedom and joy. Living with nature and meeting extraordinary people marked my heart in ways I could never find words for. Communal living with strangers that become close friends is something I could never forget.

Living like this is the ultimate test and the ultimate reward. Moving from place to place, trusting the path laid out before you, and jumping into the flow, pushes you beyond your self-imposed limitations and teaches you who you really are.

I won’t lie, at the time I had so many struggles. But, for me, this is the essence of life; I always wanted to propel myself forwards, I needed to understand who I was and why I was here.

I feel like I know this now, and I remember what I came here for. This time in France, seven years ago, had such a catalytic influence on my journey and, as a seven year cycle has just come to an end, I find myself looking back at this period.

La Petite Cassagne, St Genies

The moment the EU vote came in, back in 2016, I packed my bags and left the country. I headed first to the region of the Dordogne in France. I had visited numerous times and always felt the magic of this region so strongly.

I went to stay with Nico. He had a beautiful home, open to people from all over the world and with many staying at one time. He was building yurts, eco-cabins, and permaculture farming.

I spent four months living, communally, at La Petite Cassagne (The Little Chesnut). It was a very hot summer and looking back it was one of the best experiences I have had. Living on the land there triggered within me a powerful shift.

I lived with many different people, from many different backgrounds. I admired Nico’s friends, many of whom had amazing off-grid set-ups. Benji would take me to visit his friends living out in the forest, in a community with all sorts of buildings, including cob-houses, cabins, and yurts.

I spent much of my time building the cabin that I was also living in; I learned a lot of valuable building skills and I became project coordinator which was a role I loved!

After working we would all go to wash and swim in the ice cold rivers and calm lakes nearby.

There was music, dancing, singing, eating and I was in my element soaking up the land and the languages.

A particular experience I will never forget is climbing down steep cliff faces in Les Eyzies to explore, party, and sleep in the amazing cave systems there. Not only did I have spectacular views over the Vésère valley at sunset, but I was deeply aware of the incredible history that surrounded me.

This area is renowned as a prehistoric capital; it is where Homo sapiens were discovered and given the name ‘Cro Magnon’ and it is home to many famous caves that were dwellings for early man alongside their cave-art.

I could feel the depth of history in the caves we ventured through. Sleeping on the cave floor felt like a rite of passage and I was aware of the ancestors who had inhabited this place over many thousands of years.

It was in many ways a  blissful summer. In other ways I was experiencing the arising of deeply held trauma that I was not yet equipped to deal with. I look back now and see how many of my most worthwhile experiences have included heart-opening connections, alongside equal amounts of uncontrollable terror.

I am so grateful for the unconditional hospitality of Nico. He is no longer with us and his presence on this planet is missed. I am sad that Persey and I didn’t get the chance to visit him in Cambodia, as planned this year, before he passed away.

I’d also like to mention my friend Luke, who was another magical soul no longer earthbound.

Despite only living together for four months, our lives became connected in ways far beyond this and I’m very grateful to have met these people who really touched me and brought important life lessons to me. (They are both in the picture below.)

Les Seihols, Premian

What a magical place this was to live. I spent from autumn to spring breathing this beautiful, clear mountain air. I lived in a picturesque spot in a very old, ramshackle building. I washed with freezing cold water all winter and huddled by the fire for warmth! I sat up through nights of powerful storms and witnessed intense floods that caused great damaged in the valleys below.

I spent days building a cabin, foraging, running errands, babysitting, exploring. I felt alive.

I fell in love with the the forests, and the rivers, and the lakes. I fell in love with the wildness and how I could feel the voice of the land speaking to me so clearly; it felt so untainted by the presence of people; it was raw and powerful.

I walked for miles and miles through this incredible landscape. I was joined by a duckling I adopted and loved deeply, that thought I was her mother; together we explored the mounatins and for some months she never left my side!

I met people who had loved these mountains their whole lives and who opened their homes to me, trying to convince me to stay (which I came very close to doing).

What I went through in these months, like with so many things in life, makes much more sense to me in hindsight. I turned to writing, day after day, to ground myself and the information that was flowing through me. I wrote so much poetry. I met my darkest self. I was unravelling and yet I was grasping at pieces of myself that wanted to come home.

This was a period filled with deep shadow work. Yet my year in France is filled with many of my favourite memories. Setting off with virtually no money, a car with no insurance, and no real destination lead to such heart-opening opportunities and connections. I have always had a nomadic soul. I have always craved the unknown. In ways that many people fear change, I fear stability and comfort.

I have learned to embrace a more harmonious middle-ground these days, which is welcomed by my nervous system, but it was these experiences and trials that guided me to this point. I am eternally grateful for this ever-unfolding journey!